Hello World, I Have Some News

Gemma Goodwin is the best and greatest human currently in existence.

thanks

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Fashionista

I think so things maybe so far outside your sphere of understanding that they can't help but terrify you. Things that you can't even imagine happening to your or anybody you know. Things so tragic, so incomprehensible that they make your body tighten and a shiver of panic form behind your eyes. This incomprehensible paranoia is brought on by god knows what but I constantly think something awful, genuinely awful is going to happen at any given moment. Like a plane is going to crash somewhere or everybody I've ever known is going to be hunted and stalked to death by a B-movie serial killer intent on my complete deconstruction. Selfish and paranoid times. It's seasonal of course. Autumn is an anxious period of time, it's because people are more relaxed in t-shirts. Maybe we need something equally as casual for Autumn. No wonder I feel impending death and doom at every moment, scarfs are basically just asphyxiation tools, anyone could grab it and cut off my air supply. There wouldn't even be any prints because they would be wearing gloves. There's something sadistic about wellies to...

Poor Traits of The Arse, Tits and Getting Ahead on Broadways

Sorry about the pretentious title I'm applying for a position at Vice magazine and it seems to be the kind of self-aggrandizing crap they are into. I crashed out about midnight last night after spending most of the day in bed completely stale and hungover. I woke up at around 4am and I've been awake since. From this point I have two options; 1) I either try and sleep until about 3pm and then spend a few hours groggy and confused in an empty house with no one around until it's time to go to work again where I'll sit in an empty hotel with no one around until it's time to come home and sleep again in an empty house with no one around, there's a cycle there if you look hard enough. Or option 2) I jump in the shower now, go and have breakfast with mum before she goes to work, go into town and buy a coffee and a donut with what little money I have left until early afternoon and then sleep till it's dark then go to work. At this point in time I'm really not too sure what to do.

My Dad's pretty dissapointed that I work in a Hotel at night. He would never explicitly say, he says he's worried about me but what he really means is he's dissapointed. The way he sees it I'm not doing something that will lead anywhere and he's right, I'm dissapointed to. I got too drunk on saturday night and started rambling about various things, it was quite pathetic. A girl who I like came and met me for a drink, it was going ok, not great but then suddenly I was tripping over myself trying to get a drunkenly profound point over to my friend and only ended up sounding like a complete fool. She actually managed to look shocked and bored at the same time. Moral of the story don't hang out with girls you like, hang out with girls you can kind of ignore, find mildly attractive and have average sex with, nobody wins but nobody really looses either.

Is that the problem I'm contented with dissapointment? The average and mundane, the easy way through the day, I certainly couldn't say I'm the most motivated and driven person in the world. Sometimes I feel like an ambling little floating seed just drifting by unnotied in life, I kind of like that I guess. With success and ambition come all kinds of other irritating little things like responsiblity and accountability, probably greed and corruption to. But then again apathy is a selfish undertaking but I don't think I'm being apathetic, maybe pathetic. I don't know what to do with life, it's a big question and a horrible idea that if I don't sort my shit out in the near future I'll be condemed to mediocrity and dissapointment. My heads melting, fuck the donut I'm going to sleep.

I just clocked out of work...

It's 8am and I just finished work, if you like BBC 3 and small boxes of frosties then I have your dream job. If you like working sociable hours and waking up before 3pm then we probably shouldn't hang out.

I'll be honest I really want to rant about Frank Turner today I really do but I think to do so would be contrived, unoriginal and ultimately a wholly negative exercise. I just cringe a lot these days.

What else? Oh I've hatched a plan to have an accident in the claims direct building so I can call them up and they can sue themselves, kind of like that bit in The Rutels.

Speaking of Beatles spin offs in case you hadn't noticed it's been Paul McCartney's divorce payments started kicking (oh haha, seriously come on) in week. Beatles rock band, couldn't give a shite, remastered box set? Oh yeah. great. Fuck me. Every few years Micheal Jackson or whoever owns the rights to the Beatles back catalouge now does this shit. I love the Beatles, I grew up on them, I learned guitar from a collection of Beatles songs printed on torn brown pages and held together with string (that isn't even a joke) but sometimes it seems the whole thing is just a massive fucking marketing ploy. Milking a once great and noble legacy to death through endless spin offs and novelty bullshit. Mind you I suppose it was the same during Beatlemania, that's some serious marketing. I'm glad that started dropping acid and playing sitar, perhaps we can hope for that with the pop groups of today? If only Girls Aloud had psychedelic period where they would hang out with The Mars Volta in the Burmese rain forest for six months smoking heroin, eating only magic mushrooms and giving tit wanks to remote cannibalistic tribal warriors. Maybe I should go to sleep.

good morning/night.

Welcome Back To The Hole Boys

It's officially the end of Summer and for most of it I've had better things to do with my time than write rambling blogs about this, that and the like. I went on tour for about two weeks where I made some great friends, lost a shit load of money and was the closest I've ever felt to complete mental collapse, but we don't talk about that. There's no honour in having a hysterical crying fit next to the church at the back of the Marquee, then calling your best friend to talk about golf. It's not a good scene. Still aside from that tour was amazing.

I also acquired something of a job working from 11pm to 7am at a hotel, cleaning dishes, doing admin stuff I don't understand, setting up tables, watching TV and writing contrived pieces for free post-collegiate magazines. It's sounds more romantic than it is, I did spend £40 on a shirt and suit trousers though which I suppose makes me a bit of a twat. I do look relatively smart though, even a girl who's name I don't know commented on my improved appearance so that's promising. I miss being Jimmy Hobo though, looking back the last few months up in Norwich riding around in cut off shorts and a bottle of cider were grand.

I've been in Maidstone now for a while, a few months and my room has returned to what it was when I was 17. Messy, disorganized, stale food gradually mummifying on plates, bed sheets giving off the stench of stale sweat and dirt, dust on everything, empty packets of Cutters Choice poking out from any spare space. Ah home.

Virtually everybody I know is plodding back up to University or heading out travelling, that's my plan to. Earn some money for a few months then quit my job, pack my bags and get my arse back out to America for a while. I just hope there is time for it. I've promised to join a band/move to Manchester at some point in the very near future. It's proving hard though, I'm sick of Maidstone but at least I'm earning money (although I haven't been paid yet) and I don't have to pay for food or rent or bills at my mums house which is a huge huge help but what you loose from that is independence and excitement. It's quite lonely out here in the sticks, it gets you down and you go crazy a little bit. Still I can escape every so often to go to gigs in various places but that cost so much money on the train and truth be told I'm starting to become a little disillusioned with a lot of things about the punk scene. It's probably just because I'm so far away from my friends who are into it and down here virtually no one know what the hell I'm talking about most of the time. I was reading a fanzine at work the other day and this girl I work with asked me what it was, I tried to explain the concept of a fanzine to her and she looked at me blankly for a moment and asks if she can colour in the pictures... I smiled and said sarcastically that I would get her some crayons...she smiled with glee... shes in her mid 20's... I'm going to apply for other jobs.